Is it Fantasy, Imagination or the Naked City?

Well, it happened. I may be one of the least repressed people that you have ever met. I grew up being comfortable seeing my parents nude, my kids grew up seeing me nude. When they closed their bedroom door, I started wearing a house coat. Nudity is the way we came into this world. It is something that feels too good. Today, it was too much!

It was 9:30 in the morning. I pedaled over to my local drug store to get some vital purchase, and what did I see? Down the aisle comes a woman dressed in a fishnet. The holes were about a ½ inch. I think that the Fantasy Fest criterion is naked nipples. Well, her nipples were there, naked and proud. There are times and places where I would have celebrated this demonstration of personal power. Not at 9:30 in the morning! Not at my local drug store!

Yech! I saw, I retreated. I saw, and something got stuck in my craw. This is a family place; it is the local drug store. There is a party zone, just down the street. We are not in the party zone. So, I spoke up…

“You are dressed inappropriately for this location. That is for the party zone. This is a place for families.”

I don’t know if I scored one with her, I did with me.

Since, my mind has been running wild with ideas. How do we keep nudity inside the party zone?

They say that they, the alleged “they,” are writing tickets. I haven’t seen anyone writing tickets. How would that go?

Officer: “I see your private parts. I am writing you a citation for indecent exposure.”

Exhibitionist: “Where do I put it?”

insert tasteful image of a naked person at fantasy fest

Image unavailable. 

So, mind spinning, I came up with a possible solution.

We, the citizens and residents of Key West can take some responsibly toward making Key West a fantastic place to live and raise a family. If we choose to keep our residential areas free of gratuitous nudity, we can become proactive.

Idea one: have those fence / guardrail things at each entrance and exit to the party zone, they have them on Duval street anyway; Parade time; closed off streets; we could put those barriers across the access streets.

Have an officer/ concerned citizen at each exit point prepared to warn partygoers that they are leaving the party zone, and either thank them for coming, or warn them that their attire, or lack of, is unacceptable outside the party zone.

Idea one, part two: have downtown businesses design and create a bag, like what we would do with garbage bags in a rain storm, a hole for the head and for each limb. These would be made out of biodegradable paper because they will wind up on the streets.

The person at the exit points would then inform the party goer that they, the concerned citizen, are authorized to write a ticket for indecent exposure as a citizen’s arrest. In lieu of writing the ticket, the party-goer could wear the above-mentioned bag until they are dressed more acceptably. The bags would cost $5.

Now, why would anyone want to buy a paper bag to wear? Because it will be one of the most exclusive souvenirs of Fantasy Fest. Not only will the businesses put incredible illustrations on the bags, there would be a check-off list of the body parts bared, and there would be slogans like:

Wait until you see what’s inside!

Come to the Party Zone and see!

As a courtesy, the inns and hotels within walking distance of the party zone could have stacks of these bags, and distribute them to their guests.

Let’s be proactive and take back our Halloween Celebration!